My Body Betrayed Me

(This was originally typed out a few months ago before we moved)

So something super duper weird and shitty is going on right now. 

I have lived in Minnesota with Devin now for like… 3.5 years. For that same amount of time, I have been dealing with non-stop stomach issues.

It’s gotten to the point where I would have to go for days without eating -OR- eat and deal with revolting stomach pains. The kind of pain that makes you want to curl up into a ball, pray to the universe, make deals with some unknown entity to make the pain go away. 

“Hey.. you. I promise if this pain goes away for five minutes, I can deal with 20 minutes like a week from now. Okay? OKAY? Pleeeeease?” 

Denied. 

For 3.5 years, I have gone to doctors, had surgeries, had upper and lower endoscopies, you name it, I’ve probably had it. Tens of thousands of dollars in debt later, I still have no answer.  

Well, Devin and I have taken it upon ourselves to try different diets to see if anything helps. I stuck with gluten for a while, and it kind of helped but not really. I was still on gluten when I found a magical trigger. 

I was sitting in my office eating a bag of jelly beans (gluten-free mind you!), and suddenly, my stomach DROPPED. I felt absolutely nauseated. Dizzy. I had to vomit, and get it out somehow, like I had been poisoned. 

I stopped because I had a realization. Surely no… It can’t be. Please no. 

It was sugar. 

I had always eaten pretty decently, but I undoubtedly have always had a wicked sweet tooth. I realized after I stopped eating it for the first few days that I felt better, and my stomach no longer hurt, but my body started to hurt in a different way. 

The baddest cravings began, and they gnawed at my brain and my body. 

“Only one won’t hurt! Your body hurts because you NEED sugar. You can’t live without sugar, and you love it! It gives you energy, and when has it hurt you, really? 

Look. Yes, you’ll hurt after, you’ll even get really sick after, but isn’t that five seconds of absolute bliss worth it? 

Eat the pastry. Eat the candy. Get the icecream and smother it in jam, and chocolate, and anything sweet you can find. 

Because you need this.” 

I’m happy to report that I’m winning the battle with it, but it is on-going because of how fresh it is. 

And it fucking sucks.